Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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