My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
