Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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