So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wow bdsm is so cute
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
