i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
