The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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