is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
