I seem to have left my pride at pride
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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