wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
