Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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