ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
