Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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