i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
