plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I look better un-naked...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
