You made me cry and you don't even care
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
