my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She just used a chaser for red wine.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
