That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
