i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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