he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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