I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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