it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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