Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
