Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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