Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We have started to decorate penises.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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