so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
