I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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