If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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