he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
