Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
