i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
