you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
