I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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