I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
