haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
