maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
