whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
