I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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