sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
