Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
