Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
