Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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