I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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