I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
