He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
