BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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