Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
