she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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