Only a mothe r could love this liver
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
