considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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