So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
