Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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