I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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