I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
