Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
