Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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