i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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