So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
