Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.