Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i have two assholes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.