i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP