I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
True strength comes from lack of pants
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