i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?