Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
