I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
