You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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