Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
