Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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