So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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