i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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