508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
