Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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