it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
