"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
