I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
