I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
