Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
