i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
