just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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