you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
