before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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