What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
