I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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