I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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