Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
