We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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