i just google imaged poop.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
