Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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