Umm I'm too high to move.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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