i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
