My underwear smells like fireworks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
