He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
