last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
