I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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