I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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